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Wednesday 8th September 2004 - 12.00pm

Four Showmen of the Apocalypse

I know that, for a very long time now, I’ve been complaining about reality television, and hoping for the long-running fad to come to an end. However, after hearing about the batch of new shows due for release next year, I’ve suddenly realised I may have spoken too soon.

Firstly, there’s the news that Daryl Somers will be making a return to our screens. Now, that news alone is enough to make me want to gouge out my eyes – or, less dramatically, take up a hobby that keeps me out of the house – but the news gets better. He’ll be hosting a show called Strictly Come Dancing, where celebrities are partnered up with professional dancers and take part in an elimination style competition – so what a relief he’s not doing anything frivolous or silly.

But, seriously – I thought Hey Hey it’s Saturday was bad! I mean, who was Daryl’s co-host, for a start? A bug-eyed, foam-brained useless puppet…but enough about Jo-Beth Taylor. Ozzie Ostrich wasn’t too crash hot either! And now Daryl’s gone from that to a cross between Australian Idol and Footloose? And what celebrities are they gonna get? There can’t be a long waiting list – it’s a gig even Holly Valance would turn down!

But there’s another big non-reality TV show planned for next year that’s got me pining for a re-run of Temptation Island; and it’s an old classic. It’s been off our screens for sixteen years – and with good reason…Young Talent Time. Yes, close your eyes and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll dress you in an orange vinyl jumpsuit and make you sing Love In The First Degree. Not only that, but the other news is that both Kylie and Dannii Minogue have promised to appear on the re-launch episode! And I bet they’re not the only old cast members to re-appear, either. Oddly enough, we haven’t heard much from Beven, Courtney, Joey, Vince or even Tina in quite a while. But look, the show deserves their endorsement – it’s just what Australian television has been crying out for, isn’t it? I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been channel surfing and have thought to myself, “Oh, I just wish I could watch two repressed teenagers in formal wear singing Would You Like To Swing on a Star.”

The only problem is if Johnny Young ends up hosting the show again, we could be in serious trouble. I mean, everyone’s heard of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – and television has its own equivalent. Johnny Young and Daryl Somers are two of them, and if they return to our screens and join the third, Eddie McGuire…all we need then for Ian Turpie to announce his showbiz comeback – we could be facing an apocalypse.

So, who’s looking forward to Big Brother Five?

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