---

Friday, 20th April, 2001 - 2:58am (thank god I don't w

don't send any money, we'll bill you

There's an infomercial on tv at the moment for the "GymForm Plus Muscle Stimulator".

Apparently no one needs ever go to the gym again. All you need to do is strap on these little electrode pads, and they send little electric pulses to your muscles.

Amazingly, these little electric shocks not only dissolve fat, they also create muscle. And without actually doing any exercise; so you can just bum around, watch tv, and all the while you're getting the equivalent of a full body work-out.

I can't believe I'm bearing witness to this condescending clap-trap. WHO OUT THERE is naive enough (or in denial enough) to believe that this is possible? Do these people not understand the physics and logistics of muscle growth?

Muscles get larger because physical exertion tears the teeny weeny muscle fibres. The body then gets to work healing all these little fibres - which leaves scar tissue, which makes a muscle larger.

Sitting on your derriere while a couple of 9v batteries make your skin tingle is NOT going to shrink your butt, give you washboard abs, or even promote a 'higher, firmer bust'.

WHO IS THAT STUPID? I want names...whoever buys these things needs to be slapped.

Oh my god - now they've got the "customer testimonials". That annoys me on a whole different level altogether. These people are not even looking at the camera!! Why don't they just hold the cue-cards themselves!

I mean honestly; do they find the most untalented hack actors they can find? And why are these untalented hack actors trying so desparately to commit career suicide?

I speak from authority when I say it's not that hard to act convincingly. These guys aren't even bothering to paraphrase!! They've got all the naturalism of one of those kids on Barney.

But still, it's the product itself that is the most annoying. All these people getting excited because they think they'll never have to jog again. They'll just use electricity to zap themselves thin.

Why don't they just stick their tongue in a power socket.....

Well, think about it. If nine volts makes you trimmed, toned and terrific after a few months, then 240 volts in 3 seconds should make you look like Arnie almost immediately.

"We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?"

Music Store Staff Have No Taste - or, My Mum Thinks I'm Cool - 11.17am , Sunday 1st May, 2005

Kitchen Titanic - 11:21am , Wednesday 15th December 2004

The Good Shit Lollipop - 9:02pm , Tuesday 21st September 2004

He Shoots, He Scores! GOOOOOOL-ies!! - 5:45am , Saturday 18th September 2004

A Little Bit Clothes To Home - 11:24am , Friday 10th September 2004