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Tuesday, 1st May, 2001 - 2:12am

more infomercials

Once again, I find myself up at two in the morning. What does this mean?

MORE INFOMERCIALS.

And the best kind, too. Muscle-building infomercials.

But there's an interesting twist in the one that's on right now. We have "celebrities" (and I used finger-quotations for that one) endorsing these ineffective rip-off products.

"Hi, I'm Chuck Norris"...."and I'm Christie Brinkley"...."What if we told you there was a way you could get into the best shape of your life in only 6-8 minutes a day?"

I kid you not. That is a direct quote. These two have been paired together for the wonder machine - TotalGym. Oh, I'm sorry...they just said the name of it again...it's actually TotalGym 1000. That 1000 makes all the difference, yanno.

You want to know what a TotalGym 1000 is? It sounds impressive, doesn't it? Sounds like it might be a plastic-fantastic hum-dinger of a machine, with lights and buzzers and gadgets and a drink holder? Pulleys, weights, benches, handles, rings, coils, dials, panels and switches?

Sadly, no.

It's a rowing machine on an incline.

That's - it.

Two handles attached to stretchy cords (once again, no weights involved, just tension resistance), and a sliding bench. Apparently by taking various positions on the machine and using different parts of the body to pull yourself (which is on the sliding bench) up and down, it's the equivalent of a total body workout.

(I guess at least it requires more work than those electrode thingies)

But it's a rowing machine on an incline. Nothing more. Can't people see that? ~sigh~ I want a TV with 'Slap-o-Vision'.

2:16: I'm going to start writing the time at the beginning of each paragraph, because I'm writing this at the same time that I'm watching it. You're getting this hot off the press, guys...

2:17: Chuck and Christie (we're on a first name basis now) are taking the "TotalGym 1000 Challenge". It entails going to a local shopping centre and inviting total strangers, or 'customers' to try out the machine, and see what they think. This stuff is too funny to be serious.

2:21: Christie (first name, remember) just looked like she was faking an orgasm. Oh, I see, she was showing a 'customer' one of the workouts you can do, that stretches your inner thigh. Apparently the faked-orgasm-face was to let the 'customer' know how good the stretch feels, how it gets those hard to reach places.

2:23: *snicker* - I love the way the strangers they pull off the street to try these machines can really feel it 'in their abs' - no matter what workout they're doing "wow, I really feel this in my abs". I think abs is the only gym/muscly buzzword they know. One woman just said "I can feel it in my abs, and the back of my legs"...how can you know the word 'abs', and not the word "calves"???

2:28: Hmm, Chuck just told me I have to make a choice about my life.

The infomercial is about to end - I choose to go to bed before another one comes on. Tomorrow I'm going to get up and go for a run. Without any electrodes. And without Christie Brinkley making orgasm faces at me.

Music Store Staff Have No Taste - or, My Mum Thinks I'm Cool - 11.17am , Sunday 1st May, 2005

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He Shoots, He Scores! GOOOOOOL-ies!! - 5:45am , Saturday 18th September 2004

A Little Bit Clothes To Home - 11:24am , Friday 10th September 2004